


Villains bar

by omalleyboose



Category: Gravity Falls, Smallville, Star vs. The Forces Of Evil, Stranger Things (TV 2016), Teen Wolf (TV), Wander Over Yonder (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:46:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23351161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/omalleyboose/pseuds/omalleyboose
Summary: Somewhere in Fictionland, there's a bar where some of the greatest Villians of all time go to chill and drink and share stories.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 7





	Villains bar

**Author's Note:**

> Just a fun little idea I came up with. Let me know if I should make it a whole series.

Somewhere in Fictionland, there's a bar where some of the greatest Villians of all time go to chill and drink and share stories. The bar surprisingly has little actually conflict inside its walls, aside from fights that are usually just for fun. For a place full of murderers conquers and psychopaths, its very chill. It helps that they all, for the most part, stay within designated areas based on their rank as villians.

Yes, ranking, different scales of evil to show how evil someone is. The system was put in place in the 70s after The Green Goblins infamous murder of Gwen Stacy. Villians like Ding Dong Daddy Clock king and The Blue Snowman didn't want to be in the same room as someone as psychotic as The Goblin, While more serious villains like Sabertooth Red skull and The Scorpio Killer all found him a hero of sorts. This led to much fighting over what true villainy is, which led to the owners realizing that villans were changing from comedic buffons to actual monsters, and they needed some way to decide which are the more dangerous bad guys.

So the ranking system was made. The owners created numerous areas for the villains to sit-in based on their rank. Most of the conqueror's masterminds and murderers were Vile the dangerous yet somewhat cartoonish were Sinister, and the morally grey were Anti while the small scale villains from sitcoms comedies and more family-friendly dramas and onetime bad guys where just Bad. While not mandatory, everyone eventually just sat with their similarly ranked friends, and the bar has been doing fine.

Although today, three villains Bill Cipher(Gravity Falls) Toffe(Star vs. the forces of evil) and Lord Dominator (Wander over Yonder), Feeling a little cocky from their recent actions in their canon and swaggered on into the Vile section. They then sat down with some of Viles's most common costumers. Gerad Argent (Teen Wolf) Lex Luthor (Smallville) and The Mind Flayer through one of his vessels (Stranger Things).

The Mindflayer was the first to speak to the trio.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" He asked somewhat rudely (He was never known for manners.)

"Were sitting with our fellow bad guys." Bill Cipher said, putting his arm around Flayer's shoulder (to his annoyance).

" Yes, but you're in the Vile section when you are Sinister," Gerad said

" See, that's where you're wrong. We just got back from our shows defeats, and we feel we've earned an upgrade." Toffe said arrogantly.

"Yeah, I mean, I took over several planets and almost killed the heroes," Dominator said proudly. 

" I brought about Weridmaggedon and became a god." Bill Cipher proclaimed.

"And my life long goal of destroying magic came to pass," Toffe stated.

The other three looked at them before bursting out laughing much to the confusion of the others. The laughter continued until Dominator asked what's so funny.

The Mindflayer was the first to stop laughing and answer. " I'm sorry it is just your so proud of these accomplishments when we have done what you did way more impressively."

Gerad then continued speaking to Toffe directly " Yeah, I mean, I started a crusade against supernatural forces and brainwashed hundreds to agree. Maybe it didn't work out, but in my world, it was a bad thing I did out of racism while your heroes completed your plan for the greater good." He finished.

Lex then looked at Dominator and said, " I almost killed my hero too, but the difference is he survived cause he was godlike and had several skilled friends and allies helping. He wasn't a cheerful fuzzball I just kept failing to kill."

Mindflayer then shoved bill off of him said to him, "I didn't lose because I was tricked by two children and an elderly con man."

" And a scientist!" Bill said, offended.

" Whatever point is your not in our league," Mindflayer said bluntly. At this, Toffe got angry and glared at three of them and before thinking opened his mouth.

"Oh, and you guys are so great? At least we weren't beaten by a farm boy, a lacrosse player, and some RPG gamers. Our enemies were powerful magical families skilled paranormal investigators and an entire galaxy!" He said only to regret it when the three of them glared at him with such intensity Toffe felt unsafe.

Gerad spoke first, "Who do you think you're talking to!? Scott Mccall was no mere Lacrosse player; he was an alpha a true alpha. He brought down Demons Oni and even The Beast of Gerduvan he-" suddenly Gerad was stopped from continuing his tirade upon hearing the sound of an annoying voice.

" Did someone say my name?!" The Beast mentioned above said/shouted as he walked over to the table. Flayer Gerad and Lex all groaned in annoyance.

"Nice going, jackass!" Flayer said to Gerad, who mouthed an apology. Dominator Cipher and Toffe fought to hold back a laugh at the newcomer, who they would later say was a cross between a haunted mansion ghost and Smile dog.

" Hello Sebastian, we were in the middle of something here," Lex said, feigning politeness in hopes of getting rid of the unwanted guest.

" Well, what were you doing?" The Beast asked.

" Were explaining to these three." Flayer said, gesturing to the other three, "Why they can't sit here." He finished.

" Oh yeah! You can't just walk up and sit here where you're not wanted; people like us have worked our asses off to get here! right fellas." The Beast said, sitting down next to Gerad, not noticing the glares. He was ironically sitting where he was not wanted.

"Unwanted interruption aside as much I hate to admit it, Sebastian here earned his seat at ANY empty table in this bar," Flayer said, both agreeing with and subtly attempting to get rid of Sebastian. When he didn't move, Flayer went on "He has a body count of hundreds tried to murder his sister and killed his best friend who brought him back to life" He finished.

"Yeah, and then I tried to posses some loser kid and slaughtered a bus full of people, which led to some lady declaring war on the supernatural, which also led to G here getting an army of followers and nearly taking over the world." The Beast said, patting Gerad on the shoulder to his annoyance. 

At that, Gerad glared at him before looking down at his glass and getting an idea. "Hey, Beast, I'm glad you're sitting here cause we're a little short on cash, don't you owe me some money?" he said with a smile.

The Beast then looked worried. "What oh uh, I'm sorry, guys. I think I have to go home right now. See you later!" He said, running out the door to the relived sigh of the table.

"He's such a cheapskate he won't be back till I leave now where were we?" Gerad said

" You were in the middle of a rant," Lex said snarkily.

" Ah yes, Scott Mccall bested several evil creatures and amassed a group of powerful friends and allies, so he wasn't some mere Lacrosse player he was an Alpha. And as for the others, The "Farmboy" was destined to be Superman a god among men, and the RPG gamers had the aid of a government-created psychic weapon." Gerad finished uninterrupted.

"Yes, you were fighting either children or people with the minds of children. While we fought and nearly beat superhumans, you didn't even kill anyone."Flayer finished.

" We killed things," Bill said defensively. 

"Oh yes, an old wizard, a being who came back to life after your defeat, and an expendable robot great losses one and all," Lex said with his usual cold sarcasm.

"Ya know What!? I think we did pretty good for kids show villains." Dominator said, annoyed. She was about to continue only for Flayer to cut her off.

"That is the problem you are kids show villains your target audience are little children. You can't compare to us because you can't break free of your restrictions. We can kill significant characters. We can terrify grown adults. We can do things that no kids show will be able to do. No matter what you do, you will never be able to sit here cause you will never be more than the scariest monster on a show for the schoolchildren and stoned college kids." Flayer ranted before finishing with, " Now get the fuck away from us." He spat 

Toffe Bill and Dominator looked shocked for a moment before silently standing up and walking from the table.

"Tell them how you really feel, Flayer," Lex said Sarcastically.

Flayer responded, " Whatever now, we can enjoy our time here." 

Gerad and Lex nodded in agreement, and they went back to conversing for a few minutes when suddenly they were forced to dodge a table that was thrown at them. They looked in shock in the direction it came from and saw an angry Bill standing there in front of an equally mad looking group of villains. The group included Dominator and Toffe, of course, but also Queen Chrysalis (Mlp), The Lich King(Adventure Time), Jasper(Steven Univers), Father(Codename Kids Next Door), and Fire Lord Ozai(Avatar the Last Airbender).

"So villains from kids shows arent as good as you!?" Ozai said, annoyed.

"No," The three Viles said in defiance, getting into fighting stances.

"Well, then how about we test that?" Jasper said excitedly, cracking her knuckles.

"Now now, let's calm down" Azazel (Supernatural) Walked up next to Lex and his friends. "It's not exactly a reasonable fight theirs 8 of you, three of them so ill join them to even it out." He said with a faint smile.

"Don't hog all the fun yellow eyes." Pennywise walked up, licking his lips in excitement.

"It has been a while since I snapped a neck mind if I cut in" The master (Buffy) Walked up.

A loud BZZZ came from Leatherface's Chainsaw as he walked up to join the Viles.

" And I shall fill out this little gang war if you don't mind," said Pan (Once upon a time) as he joined the Viles. 

Lex looked at the two groups and thought to himself. (Ya know we could avoid this by apologizing and just letting them sit with us...But then they won't know their place.)

"Well?" He said out loud, and the groups ran at each other and began a deadly fight that lasted 3 hours. The first to fall was The Master, who was impaled through the chest by Chrysalis. Chrysalis, in turn, got her neck broke by Azazel. Leatherface was set on fire by Father before his skull was crushed in by Leatherface's hammer.

Pan and The Lich wound up, killing each other with magic but not before Pan ripped out and crushed Ozai's heart. Pennywise attempted to eat Jasper only for her to have no fears that Pennywise could use, leading to her injuring him enough to scare him off. While she was celebrating her victory, Azazel used his demon powers to poof her into her gem form. Azazel then got stabbed by rubies knife that she tossed to Toffe to make the fight fairer.

The fight was then down to the final six, the ones who started it—First Gerad slew toffee with his mountain ash that he shoved down Toffees throat. Gerad was then killed after being hit by a stray beam from Bill and Flayers fight, which ended with both of their forms being too damaged to continue. Finally, Lex dodged most of Dominators' attacks, tricking her into shutting down the armor she was wearing, leaving her open to a being shot through the head by Lexs Pistol. 

Lex heavily wounded, stood over them, and said: "That's why you can't sit here." He then dropped dead with everyone else.

The owners then shook their heads, annoyed, " Every Saturday there's a fight." They said, irritated, and walked over to a switch on the wall that said "Reset" and pulled bringing all the fighters back to life and healing them. Then Azazel Leatherface The Master, Pan, and Pennywise all went back to their tables, congratulating the other side on a good fight as they left.

The trio then started looking at the Sinisters, and Flayer was the first to speak "So learn your lesson yet?" the group went back to the Sinister room except for Bill Dominator and Toffee who all went to the door only for Lex to call out to them "Wait!"

They look to Lex and his friends Lex then spoke: "Listen while I don't want you to take it as a permanent residency in the Vile section, but you impressed us, so how about a round of drinks before you go?" Lex said with a smile.

"R- r -really?" Bill said surprised

"You fought well," Gerad said with a nod.

" But your buying," Flayer said with a mean smile.

Toffee Bill and Dominator agreed and joined them at the table. And before they knew it, on round became the rest of the night. You see, villains friendships begin with them hating each other, but then they fight it out and earn their respect. Cause at the end of the day; all the Villains have is each other.

Except for The Beast, who tried to sneak back to the table after Gerad left. Only for the five at the table to end the night by violently beating him unconscious.


End file.
